Darby Alexander Gray Jr.

Darby Alexander Gray, Jr. age 83, of Norman, OK passed away on January 1st, 2026 in Joplin, MO.

Darby was born in Lawton, OK to Command Sergeant Major Darby "Alexander" Gray (1918-2004) and Geraldine Thelma Spradlin Gray (1920-2020) on October 31, 1942.  As an Army brat, he moved every few years, attending many different schools. Having lived at Ft. Sill Oklahoma, Ft. Hood Texas, Ft. Polk Louisiana, and Ft. Knox Kentucky, he returned to Ft. Sill to  graduate from Lawton High School in 1960 as a National Merit Scholar.  To help pay for and further his education, during the summers, he worked as a land surveyor for a civil engineer in Lawton. While attending the University of Oklahoma, he served in the Army ROTC receiving a commission of 2nd  LT, distinguishing himself as the Captain of the ROTC Pistol Team and graduating with a degree in Mechanical Engineering in 1965.  Before his Masters Thesis was accepted, in 1966, he was called upon to report to duty during the Vietnam War to the USA Ammunition Procurement and Supply Agency at Joliet, Illinois,  While serving his country as a ADPS Plans and Operation Officer, he was awarded the National Defense Service Medal and achieved the rank of 1st LT.

After his commitment to the Army ended in 1968, he obtained both MSEE (OSU) and MBA (OU) degrees.  Following several years of working in the industry, he received his license as a Registered Professional Engineer in 1974.  He began a private engineering practice in 1983 and later became a much sought after consulting forensic engineer working with individuals as well as major corporations to determine the cause of accidents, fires, and the origins of product defects.  He became international when asked to investigate a fire on a mega yacht which took him to Holland, England, and Wales.  Darby thoroughly enjoyed explaining the evidence and science that supported the testimony he was presenting.  It was well known that one only called upon Darby when one really wanted to know what happened.  He testified before courts and juries across the United States before his retirement in 2012.

He married Louise Simon Burton (1944-1999) in 1965 in Lawton, Oklahoma.  Together they had three children, Casey Alexander Gray (Brenda), Mollie Tylene Gray (Christi), and Conan Ashley Gray (1973-2011) (Kimberly).  He was delighted when Conan and Kimberly gave him a grandson, Cormac Alexander Gray, in 2009.  He married Vickie Lynn Bowman in 1988 in Red River, New Mexico making their home in Norman.  His only sibling, Dorothy Jane Gray Elam Schpansky (Randy) resides in Joplin, MO.

Memorial Contributions may be made to the humane society of your choice.                                     .